That's when about four old people walk over to me and one of the old ladies asks if I'm the guy that gets cabs. I tell her "no, the front desk can call you one or you can just flag one down when you see one. They come by every couple of minutes." She says, "well, what do you do then?"
"I'm a valet, I park cars and I retrieve them." I tell her.
Then her friend leans over to me, looks at my laptop (I was logged in to Facebook) and she says "you look at porn all day!"
Forgetting I was at work, I snapped back with "Jeez, not on the clock lady!"
Even I got limits you old bitch! (I didn't say that, remember: I have limits. I just got a big fat raise, I'm not gonna put that in jeopardy.)
But then I got to thinkin'...... Shit, that's not the first time I've been accused of being a freak on the job.
A few years ago when I was at the Swanky hotel, this Nigerian dude that sold bootleg DVDs pointed the finger at me. Motherfucker. He came by with all the latest shit like he did every weekend. Stuff that came out in the theaters the night before, good quality too. The other valets, garage guys, and even the uppity ass bellmen and doormen would snap his shit up.
He looks at me and asks why I never get stuff from him. "You don't like movies bro?" I tell him that I do like movies I just don't want the bootleg shit. I was fresh out of college with a broadcasting degree mind you, I had to take a stand for all the people behind the scenes who don't get squat when you buy bootleg shit.
The holmes looked at me like I was a fool. "I got DVDs I burned from Blockbuster too (it was '03 that shit hadn't gone belly up yet). It's just like a burned CD. You don't burn CDs and trade with your homies bro?" Fuck it, I decided to be a sport, so I took a look into his duffle bag. I gave it a shot, but it was too many. "Nah man, thanks I'm good."
He started to walk away. Stopped. Came back. "You wear glasses. You like the classics, documentaries, the smart guy shit. I got you bro." He pulls out a stack of old school movies (he must have had them organized by genre - this fucker was GOOD) he had stuff like Badlands, some Hitchcock, Taxi Driver, some other shit I never heard of that looked OSCAR worthy.
"Sorry man, I seen them shits."
"Okay bro." He walked away all dejected. He was almost completely out of the garage when it dawned on him. He came running back with a big ass smile on his face. Pulls me to the side, opens the duffle bag and goes straight to the bottom layer of DVDs.
He says to me in that thick ass Nigerian accent "YOU LIKE DA FREAKY SHIT!" and pulls out a couple stacks of porn. He had all kind of stuff, all the famous hoes. My eyes lit up for less than a second, then I remembered I was at work.
"Nah fool, I'm cool," I said with a smile.
One of the garage guys and the manager bum rushed the kid. "You never said you had this shit!" Said the underling. The manager of the garage asked for anything that featured huge titties. "You want just titties, no anal?" "Whatever, gimme all the big titty stuff you got." Homeboy bought like five or six videos.
Well shit, "if these fools don't give a fuck" I thought. So, I took a closer look. Nope, no badonkadonks, no big booty white girls, no shelf booties, shit - not even a 2 Live Crew retrospective. No sale. Don't get me wrong, big titties is cool, but I'm an ass man. I was raised on hip-hop videos. Good hustle though, but how did that fool know I was a freak? At that time only my close friends knew I was a pervert.
The cat's outta the bag now I guess. Here pussy pussy.
